Physics Paper

Last summer, Alecia and I took a Physics course at the University of Washington. The class was mostly disappointing, the assignments were ambiguous, and the purpose for the course was never really made clear. One of the requirements of the course was to write a paper that would describe how to teach to properties of density to a student. It turned out the "student" was supposed to mean a student in the Physics course, but since everything about the course was ambiguous, I missed that point and described how to teach density to a Sixth Grader. I can turn into kind of a smart ass when I'm forced to do something I think is stupid and this assignment was no exception. I was highly worried I may not pass the course after turning the paper in, but I ended up with an A+. The paper wound up being 27 pages long, but the introduction is worth a look, so I've decided to post the first page. Enjoy.

Part 1: How can such a voluminous object float?

                It was June, 2008. Rhododendrons were in bloom, the leaves of maples had taken on their fresh, new color just translucent enough for the sun to warm the earth through an eerie green hue. Mud, everywhere, was soaking the ground from the unforgiving wet weather offering just enough incentive for every child to stomp in it and track it inside where the mud really wanted to be. The WASL over, camp approaching, the school year was nearly done and everyone knew it. Focused instruction gave way to camp songs, fundraising, and middle school visits for all the sixth graders in order to prepare for the next stage of their lives. As interruptions beyond anyone’s control began to permeate the classroom like the stench from long forgotten leftovers, the students of Room 603 could hardly contain their excitement for the magical two months to follow. Fantasies of complete freedom nestled themselves in each 12-year-old brain and began to give permission for behaviors that were, just weeks before, unimaginable. This set the stage for Dominic’s great declaration of the discovery of density and the floating properties of feces. Bursting through the door with a flurry of energy that could only be possessed by a 12-year-old boy, Richard Simmons, or Robin Williams he proclaimed for all to hear, “There’s a world-record turd floating in the boys’ bathroom!” The enthusiasm that rippled through Room 603 could have only been matched by an ice cream truck pulling up outside the classroom door offering free sweets for all. Shortly stated, everyone just had to see this turd. Had only the intelligent and handsome teacher in Room 603 been privy to the knowledge of properties of matter he is now after successfully completing four of five weeks of the Summer Institute he could have led Dominic through a carefully constructed physics by inquiry unit to find out why that rancid, voluminous loaf managed to float just above the toilet water’s surface. Instead, having not been through the course, he had no idea how to properly teach density and the floating qualities of feces and barred students from the bathroom until the brown, potentially Guinness-worthy, rancid object had been successfully flushed depriving all students from exploring a fascinating scientific property. Upon being flushed, however, Dominic asked, “Mr. Aillaud, how can a turd of such tremendous volume float and not immediately sink to the bottom of the toilet? Why do some small turds sink if that voluminous one floats? How can that even be possible?” If only I could go back…